z

Young Writers Society



Your Hands-A Sonnet

by Matt Bellamy


Many times I have watched those graceful hands
The purest white I’ve yet to find again
Nothing can compare within this mortal land
And by my side I wish them to be lain.

These hands so large they could protect my own
And fingers long, much magic they have spun
Pleaseth my own hands never to be alone
A surprise that no fair girl’s heart they’ve won.

Much innocence the possessor must behold
These heaven-sent white wings fly through my head
I look upon them as rich pools of gold
And all others are the dullest grey of lead.

How I long to touch that warm and pale skin
I wonder if you know the state I’m in.

***
This is my first sonnet, so I'd be really grateful for your honest opinions, and any criticisms you might have. Cheers.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
665 Reviews


Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Donate
Thu Jan 06, 2005 6:06 pm
View Likes
Chevy says...



i cant ever seem to write sonnets.
this one was good and i liked it alot.
very consistent and even




User avatar
1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Donate
Thu Jan 06, 2005 5:45 pm
Sam says...



cool...gotta keep that in mind, next time I get into a poetic state of mind (if that ever comes) thanks! :D




User avatar
558 Reviews


Points: 22481
Reviews: 558

Donate
Thu Jan 06, 2005 4:43 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



I wrote this with a Shakespearean sonnet in mind. A Shakespearean sonnet has three stanza consisting of four lines with a rhyming scheme of ABAB, and a rhyming couplet. The lines tend to have ten syllables each, give or take one or two. So it looks like this:

A
B
A
B

C
D
C
D

E
F
E
F

G
G




User avatar
1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Donate
Thu Jan 06, 2005 3:18 am
Sam wrote a review...



It was OK. *lol* we're just buttering you up so you'll feel good and write more...just a question, how do you write a sonnet? Once I know that I can give you some more constructive crit...I only can if I can respect the work you put into it! :D




User avatar
558 Reviews


Points: 22481
Reviews: 558

Donate
Wed Jan 05, 2005 7:20 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



Just out of interest, what would you say if it wasn't my first sonnet?




User avatar
915 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Donate
Wed Jan 05, 2005 3:58 am
Incandescence says...



As a first time sonnet, it isn't a bad start. Good thing you made that note, otherwise I'd be laying into you. So, keep working at them. I personally don't like structured poetry, but that's a personal preference.




User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 1115
Reviews: 122

Donate
Mon Jan 03, 2005 3:13 pm
View Likes
Brian wrote a review...



I have never ever been able to write a sonnet. I can do villanelles, sextets, limericks, and, of course, haikus, but I can't do sonnets. That said...

I think you did a pretty good job with this. The rhyming was awkward in places, but I like the theme of the poem and I think you pulled off the sonnet pretty well. Now I forget which is which, but is this Shakesperian or Italian?





A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer.
— Dean Acheson